Day 12/24: Things I Won't Be Buying Today

 

I won't be buying this Scooby Doo sweatshirt today, even though it comes complete with a decal of the Mystery Machine (such a dreamy vehicle), Daphne, Fred, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby along with some really neat retro flowers, not because I don't love it, but because it is only available in TODDLER sizes.

Unisex toddler, BTW.

Come ON...what unisex toddler in 2022 knows anything about Scooby Doo?

I think the world is in need of a designer of affordable clothing outfitting middle aged women who would rather dress like eleven year olds. Well, like eleven year olds dressed back in the '70s. Eleven year olds today dress like I did at age twenty-six only they are slightly more provocative than I was at age twenty-six. For example, I never painted the word "juicy" on my butt. 

Gross. 

Maybe I should go to design school. There just has to be a middle aged market for these kids of things.

Is there anything made for kids that you wish you could find in your adult size?

 

 

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Day 11/24: Things I Won't Be Buying Today

"What if your home, what if your family, what if your dope was on fire?"

 Now, the only reason I won't be buying this is because I don't have a sewing machine.

Or patterns.

Or sewing skills. 

"Could you describe the ruckus, sir?" 

It is quite possibly the most awesome fabric I have ever laid eyes on.

It's called Breakfast Club Detention Dance Pop Culture Cotton Fabric and I got this little teaser from Etsy (in case you have skills and need to buy this yourself today.)

 

 "Screws fall out all the time. The world's an imperfect place."

I would do so many things with this. I'd make curtains for my office, a pillowcase for one of the four pillows I sleep with so I'd know which was which as I flip them around in the night, a skirt two sizes too small which would inspire me to lose a few pounds, and I'd make a cool do-rag 'cause having hair down to your waistline can be bothersome sometimes. 

"I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?" "No, you're a genius because you can't make a lamp."

What can you imagine being crafted from this fabric?

"Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?" 

I need to learn to sew. 

#mushroomtumbler

Day 10/24: Things I Won't Be Buying Today

I have only recently, as a result of our lockdowns and fears of contagion, become an Amazon shopper. I get what we need but also do my fair share of browsing and "adding to list" even though I am not "adding to cart". Every time I bop over to the big A, intending to get my cocoa butter discs or my favorite dish detergent pods, their analytics and anticipatory predictors show me things they feel I should "explore". 

Explore? 

I'm not some crevice-crawling spelunker of shopping but feel free use whatever verbiage you like, big A. 

Anyway, this morning, I was encouraged to "explore" this nifty kitchen item: 

A two sided (not sure why that is important) 12-inch tortilla warmer!**

Now, I do happen to have a fat opened package of corn tortillas in my refrigerator right now! How does the big A know that? Never mind that they've been there for 3 weeks, having only needed four for what we ate back in January. The remaining twenty-one are hanging out, apparently waiting to be stuffed into this multicolored sleeping bag for food.

So, let's break down four of the finer points:

1.) It has sugar skulls on it! I have sugar skull socks, a sugar skull doormat, sugar skull temporary tattoos (a gag gift that has proven surprisingly useful), and I had sugar skull rubber clogs until I wore them so often they uncerimoniously fell apart while I was walking the dog in the rain one night. But a sugar skull tortilla warmer? This I've never even considered.

2.) You can put waffles and pancakes in it and they stay warm for an hour! Ok, so I can't imagine why I would need my waffle to stay warm for an hour, unless my friend Joelle calls me, which she oftentimes does at the 7:00 am breakfast hour, and we yack for a bit. I suppose I could shove a waffle in there until we are done; but then again, Joelle is accustomed to me shoving food into my mouth while we converse, so I guess that waffle isn't going anywhere but in my belly. 

3.) It's BPA free! It's for the "health-conscious home"! Oh man, the ol' h-c gets me every time. I think of all the plastic I have unintentionally ingested over the years and the letters B, P, and A strike fear into my bisphenol-coated heart. If this sugar skull taco blanket is free of that carcinogenic substance, and I put a pancake in it, I'm on my way to being healthy, right? Woo hoo!

4.) It's good for Taco Tuesday and Cinco de Mayo! Regrettably, we've never celebrated either in my home. Number one, I can't get my husband to even sniff, much less drink a margarita after the "unfortunate tequila incident of 1998" which left him supine on the bathroom floor for multiple hours (and we only had one toilet and a house full of Day of the Dead party goers back then so you can imagine the horror); and number two, I'd rather go out for Mexican food because all I can manage in my own kitchen is tacos from the Old El Paso kit. I'm not knocking that little dinner assembly set, as it seemed to be the pinnacle of multicultural eating back in the 1970s, but now I'm afraid I'm going to break a tooth on those shells, likely coated with some sort of chemical lacquer to keep them bug-free for as long as they sit on the grocery store shelf. Also, number three, I want to order a chimichanga just so I can say "chimichanga" out loud. 

I don't see anywhere that it's recommended for fajitas, but since it's easy to handwash, why not? I used to work with a wonderful woman who would stop at McDonald's in the morning and grab a coffee and a "faJEETa". Knowing full well what she had ordered (as it was just about every day), I couldn't help but josh her a bit by asking "What is that? It smells so good." And she'd holler out, with a mouth full of spicy onions, "chicken faJEETa!". If I were still working at the desk next to hers and it was time for our holiday gift exchange, I'd probably grab this so she could keep her breakfast cozy on the way to the office. I wonder if they have one with roosters on it. She loved roosters. 

This seems like a super purchase for a pancake loving bunch or a family who is tired of cold stacks of tortillas, but for me, today, it's just the thing I WON'T be buying. 

Maybe. 

**And now that I've clicked on it more than once for the purpose of writing this, I'm sure I will be shown a hundred more ways to keep my tortillas warm. 

#mushroomtumbler 

Day 9/24: Things I Won't Be Buying Today

My mother always enjoyed buying Valentine's Day presents. 

My father did, too. 

When I was a child, my mother and I each received a vase of beautiful flowers on Valentine's Day, courtesy of my father and delivered from our town's local florist. I could always count on seeing Dad's big loopy signature along with an X and and O, festooned like he was signing a very important document on a small rectangular card tucked into its clear plastic pick. It was such an extravagant gesture, especially during a time of great inflation when the cost of ordering flowers was so exhaustively high and my mother was reusing tin foil and patching (and re-patching) all the knees in our jeans to make them last just a few weeks longer. 

My senior year of high school, I photographed my very last red rose bouquet from my father atop my dresser, unintentionally surrounded by an array of 80s hair products. It's a snap in time and I am very grateful to have that picture.

One of the other Valentine's Days I often reflect upon has, at its core, the item that I won't be buying today...it's Englebert Humperdinck's After the Lovin' record album.

My mother purchased this popular album for my Nana and my Papa in February 1977 and on Sunday the 13th, we jumped in the car and drove it to their home. Up past all of our bedtimes the evening before, Mom traced and cut out pink paper hearts and taped them to the album's cellophane covering. In her careful, deliberate, upper case penmanship, Mom wrote cute candy heart sayings like TRUE LOVE and BE MINE. With Englebert's features peeking through the pink paper hearts, the whole presentation was fun and visually gratifying. I was excited when Mom asked me to hold it in the car and I recall repeatedly flipping it over, reading the tracks, and finger-tracing the zippy script of the Epic logo. The anticipation of giving this gift to my grandparents made our ride seem extra long.

Nana opened the door and Mom gleefully presented her with the record. A big fan of Englebert, Nana smiled broadly, looking as pleased as I felt! We ambled into the house, all the adults professing love for the way he sang. At seven years old, I said his name aloud, stretching out the syllables and giggling to myself under the din.

After appreciating all of the handmade hearts, Nana swiftly turned down the television, sliced the cover open with her metal nail file, lifted the lid of the record player, and, with both hands, placed the album carefully onto the turntable. After The Lovin', began, with its swelling orchestra, and pinging xylophone. Nana had the volume generously high and she stood next to the record as it spun 'round and 'round. Her smile was sassy, like she was hiding a secret, and the corners of her eyes crinkled with delight. She moved her arms from side to side and sashayed her slippered feet to the mellow groove singing the words she knew out loud. Papa, from his chair, watched and grinned, his gold capped teeth glinting from the gentle backlight of the nightly news and their amber hobnail table lamp. My parents listened from the couch, enjoying Nana's little impromptu recital and I settled on the floor, my perpetual spot at any relative's house, with my legs bent in angles behind me on the braided oval rug, patched denim knees front and center. The smells from our Polish dinner of kielbasa and sauerkraut filled the room and our collective joy bubbled over, supported by a popular love song played on a simple hi fi that probably cost less than the bag of groceries I bought last night. 

Replaying this scene is important to me because moments like this are the greatest gift my family ever gave me, and if I were buying this album today, dropping that needle on the vinyl would bring me right back to that living room and a time where a perfect evening could be borne of something so simple.

So tonight, when you are picking a syrupy love song for your Valentine and you, maybe you'll consider dialing up one of Englebert's serenades. I hope the music feels as sweet for you as it did for me, back on that night in February 1977.

 

 #mushroomtumbler

Day 8/24: Things I Won't Be Buying Today

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My friend John stated that the "Things I Won't Be Buying Today" series, with the concept started by him and borrowed by me for this month-long writing exercise, is an ongoing list of "perpetual materialistic longings". Aptly put, dear sir.

So, although I immediately rattled off, 8 days ago on an envelope, 24 items I wouldn't be buying and am hen-picking one each day, this list could really go on into perpetuity.  

PERPETUITY.

I apologize in advance. 

But here we are on Day 8. You might not have felt any particular kinship with the other 7 things I've posted about but maybe today, on day 8, in the spirit of the upcoming holiday, you might experience a nostalgic ping in your heart for this little fella. Today is about a short, bald cartoon man with a dog named Fuzz and an outlook that alternates between sweetly positive with rainbows and sunshine to sourly pessimistic with quips about Mondays and rain and coffee that brews way too slowly. 

You guessed it, it's little pink-domed, u-nosed, beady-eyed Ziggy. 

And today I won't be buying him. 

 

Back in the 70s and 80s, Ziggy was insanely popular. He found himself on greeting cards and calendars; birthday party decorations and clothing. There were plush Ziggys, Ziggy jewelry, Ziggy lap desks, Ziggy trays and Ziggy cork boards. And if that weren't enough, you could buy a Ziggy mug, Ziggy beer glasses and a Ziggy poster. 

My mother and I used to make homemade valentines for my elementary school classmates out of red cardstock and white paper doilies; that is, until Ziggy valentines showed up in the local stationery store and we retired our scissors and glue and bought those instead. 

I mean how could we resist? He is so darn cute (and he rarely wears pants!). Now, you see, Ziggy had this habit of SWAKing everything. Do you remember that? S.W.A.K., or "sealed with a kiss", was this non-threatening pre-teen way of being lovey-dovey without invading your crush's personal space or getting weird.

So, after a couple years of buying and delivering Ziggy valentines to the desks of my classmates, and seeing the Zigster all over the mall in his various and sundry iterations, I dreamed I'd someday have a boyfriend who would gift me a Ziggy item (preferably SWAK-printed) for Valentine's Day. You know, like this:

Or this:

 

Or this:

 

All of which are on eBay right now.

But, as I'm sure you have figured out, I never received a Ziggy for Valentine's Day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, 'cause I've been lucky in the Valentine department, but I can't help but wonder if all the people selling their SWAKY ol' Ziggys have lovely pre-teen love stories about how they came to acquire them. 

I'll bet they do.

So Happy VD from me and the Zig man. Now, go plant a kiss and watch love grow. 

 

Day 7/24: Things I Won't Be Buying Today

If you have been reading me a while, you know I am a child of the 70s and feel most comfortable in surroundings that are retro, antique and vintage. My retro fascination applies heavily to kitchens (though admittedly, I do enjoy the conveniences of my modern dishwasher, new refrigerator and new-ish stove, so appliances don't count); but as far as decor goes, please give me some old school Butterfly Gold Corelle dinnerware with the kitschy trim around the edge, some avocado-colored Pyrex mixing bowls and please please please give me this Merry Mushroom set.

Between 1970 and 1987 (which, incidentally, is exactly my favorite 'era' for just about everything on this planet) retail giant SEARS developed over 250 items for its Merry Mushroom line of kitchen coordinates. It's such a popular collectible, even now, because almost everyone in my demographic knew someone who had and loved at least one piece of this set.

According to the merrymushrooms.com website, which I just discovered today and will be visiting at length when I have more time, Merry Mushrooms was one of the largest and most successful lines in all of Sears' retail history.

So, although I won't be buying this today, I plan, someday, when I have the money, the space, the time and the energy, to decorate and properly outfit a retro kitchen with this and the aforementioned Corelle and Pyrex that I love so dearly. 

It just feels like home to me...and a feeling of "home" is very important to my day to day happiness. 

Do you have any special or vintage kitchen items? What are they and why do you love them so?

#mushroomtumbler 

Day 6/24: Things I Won't Be Buying Today

Were you lucky enough to have a parent who enjoyed and encouraged arts and crafts?

One of my favorite art activities to engage in, with Mom's help back in the 70s, was Makit & Bakit "stained glass" ornaments.  

So today, although it looks like it would be great fun, I won't be buying these, though there are quite a few to choose among on eBay. I'll just be reminiscing with you and hoping you have stories to share about Makit & Bakits, too. 

We'd place the crystals in the frames on an old baking sheet, reserved for this purpose (and probably Shrinky Dinks, too), using tweezers and a steady hand. 

We made the frog, the mallard duck, the butterfly, and the unicorn. I also recall making a few Christmas themed ones though detail-wise, I can't remember what they were. Santa, maybe? Did they hang in the window or on the tree? Those specifics escape my normally on-point recall.

I found my completed unicorn one about 5 years ago, white body and rainbow mane, and threw it in a box destined for the Salvation Army. I sincerely regret that move to this day. 

Do you remember these kits and which ones did you make? (I see on the packaging that they were made in Quincy, Mass. so this might have been an East Coast 'thing'.)

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