I woke up this morning with my Great Aunt on my mind.
She was bold and opinionated with us kids and although she could be gracious, helpful and kind, she was oftentimes picky, difficult, loud, intractable, and argumentative around the adults. She had her own exceptionally well defined ideas about things, including the fact that she would never, under any circumstances, eat with a three-pronged fork.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Someone gave Nonni a three pronged fork.
WHAT?
Holy shit. Get Nonni another fork before she launches that one!
It was made clear to me as a child that Nonni and her preferences were a two sided coin: first, you always knew where she stood, and that was good. It was then up to you whether or not you wanted to challenge her and invoke the wrath of God. Second, her elder standing within our family and the sheer size of her brood made her appear Queen-like, so despite her eccentricities, very few within her 'court' messed with her.
I mostly watched Nonni from behind couches and curtains. It wasn't until high school that I began having long talks with her and wishing that I might also boldly declare whatever and whenever I wanted to; that I might be more of a staunch and prickly stickler about things.
Whereas my Moo Moo used to tell me that her sister Flo had no right to be so discriminating and high-handed, I nonetheless regarded her quizzically from my vantage point. I wondered how it was that a woman from a tiny town, with nine children, living one tiny hiccup above the poverty line (and let's be real, by today's standards, pitifully far below it) could possibly have so many fist-upon-table pounding requests and requirements of this life.
I have only recently begun to understand her.
She was first-born in a family with two working parents and five active children. Her siblings, birthed one after another in rapid succession, all had something particularly special about them whether it was the unique position of being the only boy, or the chatterbox or the beauty or the one who would follow in her mother's footsteps and become another nurse in the family. Grateful to move away from home and start her adult life, Nonni married a handsome but domineering Italian. Al vigorously exercised all the clout in their home and although he loved her dearly, he maintained order by striking furniture and other unfortunate objects in plain sight, suggesting she might be next. Working directly across the street from her home in a woolen mill was convenient as she lacked a car but it also narrowed most of her meanderings to a two or three street radius, within which other family members also worked and lived.
When your world is that small and your young body is constantly growing babies and nurturing children and you don't have the luxury of a partner who provides an audience for your dreams and admiringly solicits your opinion and you don't travel anyplace outside the dwellings of family and friends, you learn to be fastidious and fanatical about the things you can control...like your notion that light colored fur coats are the most sophisticated, or that blue frosted cakes are prettiest. Or, what singular brand of tomatoes you use in your sauce, what fabric you prefer for your undergarments, what side of the street is best to walk on, or the only type of fork you will bring to your lips.
Today I started a "Nonni List"; a small but significant tabulation of beliefs I won't compromise on, ideals that I have a solid scrupulousness for, physical things that I prefer and will travel elsewhere to procure. The exercise kind of excites me. The idea of "no compromise" makes me feel a bit tipsy. I will commence with one or two easy items and then maintain it as an organic, ever evolving page in a notebook which I can return to as needed.
Have you really taken inventory of who you currently are, you know, besides those inane Facebook questionnaires? Maybe it's a midlife puzzle I'm looking at, and a burning need to start putting it together now that I have all the corners and edges in place. Maybe my more recent musings about Nonni have made me realize that we have limited time in which to make obstinate declarations and cocksure pronouncements before someone starts ordering us cases of Ensure and takes our driver's licenses away. Anyway, I'm looking forward to free flowing ideas and seeing what emerges.
Thanks, Nonni.
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